


Five Times Spock Wasn’t Jealous of James T. Kirk, and One Time He Really, Really Was

by Fialleril



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alien Character(s), Alien Cultural Differences, Canon Character of Color, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Five And One, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-11
Updated: 2010-01-11
Packaged: 2017-10-19 23:50:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fialleril/pseuds/Fialleril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Does what it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Spock Wasn’t Jealous of James T. Kirk, and One Time He Really, Really Was

_1\. in which a medal is awarded_

Although there are several people who were instrumental in the fight against Nero, Jim Kirk is the only one who receives a medal. He also receives a promotion, but, as the rest of the cadets assigned to _Enterprise_ have also been granted permanent promotions to the ranks they earned in battle, this is perhaps only another instance of the same.

Nyota, Spock knows, is dissatisfied with the situation. He does not receive a medal, nor do any of the other members of the crew, and this goes against her human concept of fairness. She does not speak of it, though, and she congratulates Kirk after the ceremony.

Gaila is not so circumspect. The medal ceremony is held in the same hall where, only days before, Kirk had faced an academic inquiry.

“ _He_ didn’t stop the drill,” she says, gilded lips pursed, “or Nero, either.”

Spock does not reply. He knows that she is upset not only by the perceived loss of his medal (and hers, and Nyota’s), but also by the loss of her retribution.

He acknowledges that there are others who have earned this honor, and that Gaila and Nyota are certainly among them. But for himself Spock is unconcerned. A promotion would run counter to his wishes, now that Kirk has been granted the captaincy of the _Enterprise_. He does not wish to serve on any other ship. And a medal is of no use to him.

She is not there to be proud in any case.

 _2\. in which there is a crew mixer_

The _Enterprise_ is assigned to map a near-empty region of space that Captain Kirk rather poetically describes as “the hind-end of the Alpha Quadrant.” The mission is routine, and the mood among the crew is some mixture of relief and disappointment. They are among the youngest and most celebrated crews in Starfleet history, and they have the flagship. None of them had expected such a first mission, but there is also the palpable, if unspoken, sense that at least this is not Vulcan.

Spock, the only member of the senior staff with service experience, knows that their assignment is not only Starfleet’s way of giving them some “down time” (again, the captain’s words) after the battle with Nero. It is also a test. Command knows that this crew can respond well in a crisis, but they have no experience in the day-to-day vagaries of space exploration. They have never been a crew under normal conditions.

Only five days into the mission, Spock considers that normal conditions may be more of a challenge than anticipated.

Kirk spends many of the slow hours getting to know his crew, and the bridge crew in particular. He seems to find something in common with each of his officers, and they respond with an increasing ease to him.

Spock watches these developments with interest. Kirk has regular lunches with Chief Engineer Scott. He calls Doctor McCoy to the bridge seemingly at random, simply to “shoot the breeze” (the doctor’s words, spoken in a somewhat derisive but nevertheless fond tone). He convinces Lieutenant Sulu to instruct him in fencing. He declares to the bridge crew at large his intentions to take Ensign Chekov under his wing and teach him how to be a man. (Spock thinks this is not something that should require teaching, but Nyota explains the nature of the euphemism to him later. It is not a suitable topic for conversation while on duty, but no one seems to care much about that.)

And, somehow, Kirk manages to discover and capitalize on Nyota’s love of obscure late twenty-first century grunge revival music. It is, Spock considers, a strange basis for a friendship, but no stranger than many in his experience with humans.

At the end of the second week of their mission, Kirk announces a crew mixer. Spock admits to himself that he is somewhat apprehensive; previous experience with such events has taught him that they tend to feature overly loud music and an abundance of alcoholic beverages. Nyota tells him that humans consider such activities enjoyable, and he knows that she shares this opinion. He will allow that she is an excellent dancer.

Spock, however, does not dance, at least not in the way that is being practiced here. As he anticipated, the mixer features loud music, drinks, and rhythmic dancing. He recognizes several of the songs as among Nyota’s favorites, and is gratified by her smile.

She brushes her fingers lightly across his. “I’m going to go dance,” she says, and he watches as she goes to join the captain, bodies moving in time with the beat.

“Unbelievable,” a voice mutters beside him, and he turns slightly to find Doctor McCoy glowering out over the dance floor, his eyes fixed on Jim Kirk. His expression, Spock thinks, is wholly transparent. But he does not remark on this.

Instead, he indicates the one quiet corner of the room, where board games of various sorts have been set up, and says, “Doctor, would you care for a game of chess?”

(Much later, when the party has broken up, Nyota returns with him to his quarters for a cup of tea. She smiles as she slips off her boots. He watches her for a moment, then instructs the computer to play a waltz. Her smile softens, she takes his hands, and they dance.)

 _3\. in which James T. Kirk does not believe in no-win scenarios_

Their first away mission is a disaster.

The diplomatic party awaiting them is in reality the front for an ambush, and Ensign Thomas and Lieutenant Hernandez are killed almost instantly. Ensign Mroszczak is killed in the escape attempt, and when they are finally beamed back aboard the _Enterprise_ , Spock and Kirk are the only ones standing under their own power. Ensign Nguyen is taken to sickbay under critical condition.

For the first two point seven hours following the failed mission, Spock is much occupied with analysis and reports to Starfleet Command, and he does not pay much attention to the captain’s state of mind.

It is Nyota who points it out to him, at the end of their duty shift. “He was like this after the first time he took the _Kobayashi Maru_ exam,” she says quietly. “People died, and he’s taking it personally.” She considers him minutely, then adds, “I think he feels responsible.”

Such a feeling of responsibility is not logical, but Spock does not tell her this. To do so would be hypocritical. Instead, he says, “I will speak with him.” Her smile is grateful.

The captain does not believe in no-win scenarios. This is a quirk that continues to elude Spock, but one which he nevertheless knows to be true.

He finds the captain in his ready room, his eyes trained on a stack of mission reports. From the fixed nature of his stare and the fact that the reports are scrolling by at a rate too fast for most humans to read, Spock surmises that he is not really seeing them.

“Captain,” he says, and waits until Kirk looks at him. There is an edge to Kirk’s jaw that is familiar. “I wish to speak with you about the mission,” he says.

The mission was not a success, and Vulcans do not lie. And yet... Perhaps all that is required is a reframing of the situation.

Kirk sighs and puts the padd down. “Three people dead,” he says. “Three people dead and one in critical, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.”

Spock cannot think of anything to say. Kirk has spoken the bare facts of the situation, and it is true that he could not have done anything to change it. Spock has never been very skilled in the employment of human platitudes.

At last he says, “The information we have gained may prove useful in preventing future deaths.”

Kirk stares at him for a moment, and Spock does not know whether to expect agreement or disgust. Either option seems equally likely.

But then the captain turns away and retrieves his padd. His shoulders straighten. He says, “You’re right there, Spock. We’ll have to make sure they didn’t die for nothing.”

He watches as Kirk reframes the situation around this thought. The captain still does not believe in no-win scenarios.

 _4\. in which Gaila has her revenge_

Spock has known Lieutenant Gaila since her second year at the Academy, where she was the top student in his advanced computer programming course. In her third year, she and Nyota were instrumental in the creation of the interspecies ethics course he had been endeavoring to convince the academic dean to offer for four years previous.

In the time he has known her, they have often shared aspects of their respective cultures and, at times, attempted to understand some of the more inexplicable forms of human behavior. Furthermore, he has reason to be aware of the Orion taboo against leaving any insult, intentional or not, unavenged.

So he is not entirely surprised at her request, although he is somewhat concerned about impropriety. Gaila’s concessions to her native culture have been misinterpreted by Starfleet Command in the past.

“You don’t need to know anything about it,” she says with a conspiratorial tilt of her brow. “All I need is unrestricted access to the networks for an hour. Just…find something else to occupy your time. I’m sure you have other duties.”

He considers this. It is, ironically, an ethical dilemma. Her right to avenge an insult is among the most sacred aspects of her culture, but according to Starfleet protocols, it could easily qualify as insubordination. As first officer, he cannot knowingly allow her to perpetrate a prank against the captain.

“Listen,” she says, and she is not above fluttering her eyelashes at him, although she surely knows it will have no effect. “It’s Jim. He’s not going to be upset. He’ll probably even admit that he deserved it.”

Spock considers what he has observed about James T. Kirk and decides that, objectively, this is likely to be the case. However, it does not absolve his dilemma.

He examines the problem from several angles before reaching a conclusion. “I trust that your actions will not be detrimental to the morale of the crew or the functioning of the ship?”

“They won’t,” she says, red curls bouncing vigorously.

“Nyota has asked me to attend a musical performance in recroom five this evening,” he allows. It is not permission.

“Riley’s singing tonight, isn’t he?” Gaila asks absently. “That’ll be nice. Maybe I’ll see you both there.” She does not thank him.

As she takes her leave, eyes gleaming dangerously, he allows himself the barest hint of curiosity as to the nature of her revenge. No matter. He will find out soon enough.

 _5\. in which there is a game of chess_

“I concede,” says Spock, noting that the captain’s latest move has placed his rook in jeopardy, “that the ambassador possesses nearly symmetrical features in a fashion often found pleasing by humans.” He moves the rook, taking Kirk’s knight. “However, I do not understand why such an observation is relevant to the treaty under discussion.”

Kirk’s mock glare at losing his knight becomes bright laughter. “Don’t be a prude, Spock,” he says. “Just because you’re jealous.” He eyes the chess board. “And losing.”

“I am neither,” says Spock, raising one eyebrow as he moves his queen.

Kirk pauses in consideration for some moments before moving his bishop. An unfortunate choice, Spock reflects. “You’re jealous that the ladies love me best,” says Kirk, with a grin that might be described as roguish.

“I am not,” says Spock, and then, after a moment, “Checkmate.”

Kirk gazes glumly at the board, then shrugs in a manner that plainly says, “Well, maybe next time.” He laughs and says, “Well, you’re still jealous, anyway.”

Spock stands. “If you will excuse me, Captain, I have a prior engagement with Lieutenant Uhura this evening.” He turns and exits the recroom.

“Smug bastard,” Kirk mutters under his breath, but his voice lacks venom.

 _+1. in which we come full circle_

“Hold still and let me look at you!” a woman’s voice says in tender exasperation, and Spock has turned to look before he can stop himself.

The _Enterprise_ is docked in Spacedock for repairs that have just been completed, and they are scheduled to depart again in less than an hour. The crew has used the time to make social visits of a variety of natures, many of them to families, and it is not unexpected that there might be some final goodbyes even so close to the time of departure. Still, Spock is surprised to see the captain.

He is standing a fair distance away, unaware of Spock’s presence. A middle-aged human woman, who shares Kirk’s eyes and the tilt of his chin, is standing with him, her hands brushing at his collar. She is smiling softly.

Spock blinks. It is illogical to have expected—. And yet, he cannot deny that he did.

Kirk is still wearing his dress uniform, although the ceremony ended hours ago. The woman touches the third and newest of the medals that hangs there. “I’m very proud of you, Jim,” she says.

The sharp ache of loss is irrational and unexpected. He finds that he cannot control it.

(“She’s proud of you,” Nyota tells him later, light years from Spacedock, when their duty shifts have ended. Her eyes are bright and soft with the emotional transference of the meld.

“I know,” he says, striving for equilibrium. He does know. She had said _always_. She was not given to lying.

It is not the same.)


End file.
